Part III. Ava. "What are they feeding her?"
I remember the first time I really got to know Ava, Jolene’s 11 year old daughter. It was a perfect San Francisco day, warm enough for sundresses and shorts and Jolene’s friend Carey was over enjoying some friendly gossip and chilled rosé while we played dominoes and I probed them about potential suitors. As Carey, Samantha and Jolene sipped their wine, (wait, is this an episode of Sex and the City?) I wondered...what are they feeding Ava? This young person sitting across the table from me could not possibly be 11 years old. She carried herself with such poise! She communicated with such ease and intelligence! I mean her entire prefrontal cortex (which allegedly is not even there at this age) was firing on all synapses!
What’s more? Ava thinks the world of her mom. She told me that Jolene is “the cool mom” out of the group. When I asked why, she said because she makes an effort to “incorporate us “ and “she tells us to have fun and make it our own.” With comments like this, you can start to appreciate the connection between Jolene’s inclusive and encouraging parenting with Ava’s mature and gracious temperament.
Ava steals a moment of solitude with a book and their new pup, Nico in the shared patio.
Her favorite activity with her super “cool mom” is crafting, specifically going through old photos and magazines and creating vision boards. A budding interior designer? Maybe, but Ava “doesn’t want to limit herself,” she “wants to stay open to other possibilities.” Her words, not mine. (Reminder, she’s 11).
I asked Ava what she thinks people should know about her mom. Brace yourself mom, gratitude swelling. “I don’t think people realize how hard she works and how much time she puts into her work.” Ava told me that Jolene is a perfectionist, wanting to get everything exactly as she envisioned it. But Ava was quick to add that Jolene always manages her time to ensure she can spend plenty of it with her family. I happen to know one of the ways Jolene does this is by getting up with the roosters. Jolene once invited me to go on a run...she was leaving for it, at 5:00am. Thanks, I think I’m gonna sit this one out.
It’s not as if Ava only sees through rose colored glasses though. Yes, her “super cool” mom also EMBARRASSES her from time to time. Eager to press on this point, I dug in for some details. Spill. The. Tea. Apparently the same roller skating incident came to mind for Ava. It would appear that there was some sort of parking lot “rehearsal” which ended in a near crash into a pole. (Cue Ava cringing). While I haven’t seen it first hand, I’m also told that Jolene has certain dance moves that send Ava looking for cover at public events. Note, a quick rendition by Ava conjured visions of Elaine Bennes. Evidently, there are limits to how cool you can be.
Whether Ava is quietly reading alone on the couch outside to escape her ever jubulent brother or bounding down the stairs to field hockey, she is always giving away a warm, friendly smile with a cheerful hello. No grump stands a chance against her energy. As I understand it, “to parent” comes from Latin meaning, “to bring forth.” Maybe we’ve been thinking about it backwards, maybe Ava “brings forth” the warm and encouraging environment that enables Jolene to thrive.
xo,
Sam, The Neighbor Downstairs