How to Know When You've Arrived
Last week we talked about Barry Schwartz’s The Paradox of Choice, specifically as it relates to interior design. The paradox being, ”we have so many choices, the sky is the limit, how wonderful for us!” and “We have so many choices, How do I choose? How do I know I chose the best? What a burden this became!”
Since I’ve been a “Jr. Designer” for about 10 minutes now, I’m already acutely aware of the challenges of sifting through endless choices (Remember, I’m a Maximizer). A simple assignment for a “Bedroom” design board could last a week trying to choose a bedframe, side tables, lamps, dresser, rug, artwork, bedding, pillows, accessories, (did we discuss wallpaper options)? Except that it can’t last a week because clients pay hourly for your time.
The eager achiever that I am, I press Jolene for wisdom on how she knows “when to halt the search and commit to a design” so that I too, can delight Jolene and her end clients with stunning work in remarkable time.
The answer was a little more esoteric than I was hoping for. “You can stop the search when the room meets your vision for the space.” Jot that down. Okay, uh, how do I get and hone a vision of what this will look like complete? Jolene concedes that this takes creative energy, and that it takes time, all of which is difficult to bill for. Jolene adds, “It’s not always something that happens in a flash, it often takes studying a space and a client to determine.”
To give you an idea of an idea of just how complete Jolene’s vision can be, see this before and after kitchen transformation!
Jolene can walk into a home for the first time and see the way things “should” be arranged, how it could be laid out if it were, say, a staged home. The challenge is that you’re balancing the “art of the possible” with client expectations, functionality, and of course, budgets. She tells me tales of clients who may suggest things that they want in a space that it was never meant to be while simultaneously underestimating the cost and time investment of such a transformation. She speaks of others who are totally hands off, say “Go!” and love everything you put in front of them. (Those are rare though, she admits).
What I’ve gathered is that Satisficing in Interior Design—knowing when it’s “Good Enough”— (see previous post for context) is a bit of a mix of art and science. The art of it is to give Jolene enough space and time to ideate and to create, The science is to wrap your needs, timelines and budgets around that vision. It’s not the easiest thing to articulate, how to know “when you’ve reached your vision,” and there’s certainly no silver bullet when you’re dealing with hundreds of personalities and 1,000’s of design variables. But what I can articulate is that experience matters. Jolene knows which rabbit holes to avoid that will burn through your budget and when going custom is the most efficient solution.
The mark of her success? Returning clients. I think nearly all of the projects she’s brought me on are former clients. You know it’s “Good Enough” when they like it, love it, and want some more of it!
XO,
Sam
In A World Full Of Choices
Several years ago I was sitting on the sofa of my couples therapists office when the therapist suddenly asked my then husband to step out for a moment. The therapist let my then husband out, closed the door behind him and returned to his seat across the room from me. He looked me in the eye and said, “You’re just going to have to decide that this is good enough.” Good enough? Shook. SHOOK! How dare he!?
Said Card Seen Here.
As a card a friend once gave me said, “I’m the salt of the earth, the pick of the litter, the cat’s meow and just the very best of all bests!” If I am the best of all bests, then only the best will do! Good enough, my ass.
Do you know what a “Maximizer” is? I didn’t either until a few months ago. A “Maximizer” is someone whose goal is to choose the “Absolute Best” and they need to be assured their choice was indeed, the absolute best. This concept comes from Barry Schwartz’ book, The Paradox of Choice (see the TEDTalk for the Cliff’s Notes). The problem with being a Maximizer, is that in the Industrialized West we live in, there is quite literally, an endless amount of choice, and of course, we can never actually know that we researched all of the options and that our choice was objectively the best. Worse, for a Maximizer, after making a selection, they are nagged by the options they couldn’t research. Hi, I’m Sam. I’m a Maximizer.
But this is a blog about interior design damn it! So let me bring it home. A few years ago I decided I was going to buy a new bed frame. Seems pretty straight forward. Ohhh reallllly? I just typed “Bed” into the search bar on Wayfair and it returned 21,457 results. And of course I need to check Crate&Barrel, CB2, West Elm, Lulu and Georgia, McGee and Co., Anthropologie, Urban Outfitters, and Target (to name a few). As I nod off to sleep, I abruptly sit up! Oh wait let me check my Instagram Influencers “picks” just to be sure. Just as I am about to commit to a piece from West Elm... let me just...one.last.search... I find the exact knock off at Living Spaces for half the price. Ha! Suckers. Signed, sealed, delivered, Maximizer victory.
So you wanna go custom? Here’s Jolene’s sample drawer, multiply your options to choose from by a thousand.
This abundance of choice and a Maximizers need for “only the best” however, creates a psychological burden. According to Schwartz, this vast amount of choice makes you frustrated, less likely to choose, more likely to mess up, and less happy overall. We are suffering from choice overload. Sound familiar?
The antidote? Satisficing. Satisficing combines Satisfy and Suffice. A Satisficer’s goal? You guessed it, choosing what is Good Enough. It doesn’t mean that a Satisficer doesn’t have high standards, they do. It just means that when something meets the Satisficers criteria and standards, the search is over. To settle for something that is “good enough” is to not worry about the possibility that there might be something better.
Okay but we know that when it comes to your home, only “the best” will do. Here’s an idea, hire a Maximizer to Satisfice you. Last week I got a text from Jolene, “U free?” The urgent request laid before my eyes were two swatches of white linen fabric, indistinguishable to the naked eye. Only an interior designer whose goal is the Absolute Best could note the faint and subtle differences between the two. Jolene is a Maximizer.
Choosing flooring, tile, paint, wallpaper, window treatment, hardware, furniture, rugs, bedding, lighting, accessories and making sure it all jives? A Maximizers full time occupation. If you’re a fellow Maximizer, from updating your bedding to ground up construction, it doesn’t take long to recognize the value of a seasoned Interior Designer like Jolene. To thwart that inevitable analysis paralysis and to know that you got the Absolute Best, do yourself a favor and work with an Interior Designer like Jolene.
Schwartz advises us that learning how to Satisfice is important to coping in a world of choice, and, to enjoying life. You’re the salt of the earth, the pick of the litter, the cat’s meow and just the very best of all bests! Let us Maximizers, Satisfice You, so you can get back to enjoying life.
Xo,
Sam
Join us next week as I press Jolene on how she knows when she’s crested that “Good Enough,” threshold, meeting the requirements, standards, vision, and budget of her clients. Hint, It’s a mix of art and science.
Part IV. Beckett. I Know You Love Me.
Fairly recently, the Lindners had a family friend over on the patio for some socially distant cocktails and thai take out. The friends had brought their new puppy who dashed from corner to corner as Beckett, Jolene’s four year old son, chased her in circles trying to “catch” her all the while yelling, “I know you love me!”
Beckett loves to be chased. No phrase is uttered to me more than, “Get me, Sam! Sam, get me!” as he beckons to be chased and his excitement bubbles over into nervous giggles. There’s something undeniably irresistible about the look on his face as he flashes a mischievous smile looking up through his long eyelashes while keeping his chin coyly tilted down.
As I watched Beckett chase the puppy around declaring her irrefutable love for him, I was suddenly struck with images of this identical re-enactment at the school playard... Oh god, good luck Jolene!
Like Jolene, Beckett is the life of the party. He talks loudly and laughs even louder. And if you don’t listen to what he is saying, he will shout until he has your undivided attention. What’s he always talking about? Here’s the transcript of what was a very short interview for this post:
Sam: What do you think about your mom?
Beckett: “I was thinking I had a big hole in my pj’s so my mom is going to give me new ones!”
Sam: “Oh, okay that’s good. How about what is your favorite thing about your mom?
Beckett: “For my birthday, I want a speed boat, you can drive it on water and it has a jeep with a trailer!”
Sam: “I see. Okay Beckett let’s try one more way, what is something you like about your mom?”
Beckett: “She picks me up from school—YOU HAVE TO TAKE NAPS AT SCHOOL!”
If it wasn’t an eyesore, I would write all of Beckett’s responses in all caps because Beckett talks with every ounce of his being, exclamation points and eyes wide open! You can see his chest rise and fall as he takes big gulps of breath to keep up with his own stories. Beckett’s passion for monster trucks, basketball, and asking “Is Sam home?” are just some of the reasons I adore him.
Beckett is also Jolene’s little helper. He likes to wash windows with a whole bottle of.windex and can often be found peering out her office window, hoping to chat with whatever audience he can summon to hear his latest musings. (Today was flying fish, HAVE-YOU-SEEN-ONE-SAM!?). It is not uncommon to hear him calling out, “Emma!” (Emma is the Neighbor Nextdoor) excited to tell her about pincher bugs and airplanes and grandma’s pool. On more than one occasion, Beckett has played “Tim The Toolman” for Emma, helping her build an outdoor shed or plant new flowers. Beckett, the Scott Street Handyman.
Truth be told, the sounds of Beckett’s little footsteps down the stairs followed by his little nose pressed up against my french door is the highlight of my day. I think the feeling is mutual. I came home the other day and there was a single flower sitting on my coffee table, a secret admirer? I texted Jolene to confirm. While she had no knowledge of the gift, she did say she saw him sneaking out the door when she turned her back. She scolded him, “Beckett did you just go in Sam’s house?” to which he attempted denial, covering up his tracks by quietly closing the door behind him, “no....” Guilty as charged. Beckett, I know you love me!
Well, that’s the Neighbors Upstairs. Beckett, Ava, Tony and Jolene. Jubilant, kind, supportive and fun. It’s a solid foundation right down to the studs, (Tony and Beckett included). Like Beckett, we hope you’ve caught feelings too, drawn to the contagious energy at Scott Street and all that emanates from it. We’ll be back with more stories, more projects and more inspiration, all in the hopes of wooing you. After all, who doesn’t like the chase?
xo,
Sam, The Neighbor Downstairs
P.S.
I did ask Beckett one last time before we parted what he loves about his mom. He finally answered me straight, “She tries to catch me.”
Part III. Ava. "What are they feeding her?"
I remember the first time I really got to know Ava, Jolene’s 11 year old daughter. It was a perfect San Francisco day, warm enough for sundresses and shorts and Jolene’s friend Carey was over enjoying some friendly gossip and chilled rosé while we played dominoes and I probed them about potential suitors. As Carey, Samantha and Jolene sipped their wine, (wait, is this an episode of Sex and the City?) I wondered...what are they feeding Ava? This young person sitting across the table from me could not possibly be 11 years old. She carried herself with such poise! She communicated with such ease and intelligence! I mean her entire prefrontal cortex (which allegedly is not even there at this age) was firing on all synapses!
What’s more? Ava thinks the world of her mom. She told me that Jolene is “the cool mom” out of the group. When I asked why, she said because she makes an effort to “incorporate us “ and “she tells us to have fun and make it our own.” With comments like this, you can start to appreciate the connection between Jolene’s inclusive and encouraging parenting with Ava’s mature and gracious temperament.
Ava steals a moment of solitude with a book and their new pup, Nico in the shared patio.
Her favorite activity with her super “cool mom” is crafting, specifically going through old photos and magazines and creating vision boards. A budding interior designer? Maybe, but Ava “doesn’t want to limit herself,” she “wants to stay open to other possibilities.” Her words, not mine. (Reminder, she’s 11).
I asked Ava what she thinks people should know about her mom. Brace yourself mom, gratitude swelling. “I don’t think people realize how hard she works and how much time she puts into her work.” Ava told me that Jolene is a perfectionist, wanting to get everything exactly as she envisioned it. But Ava was quick to add that Jolene always manages her time to ensure she can spend plenty of it with her family. I happen to know one of the ways Jolene does this is by getting up with the roosters. Jolene once invited me to go on a run...she was leaving for it, at 5:00am. Thanks, I think I’m gonna sit this one out.
It’s not as if Ava only sees through rose colored glasses though. Yes, her “super cool” mom also EMBARRASSES her from time to time. Eager to press on this point, I dug in for some details. Spill. The. Tea. Apparently the same roller skating incident came to mind for Ava. It would appear that there was some sort of parking lot “rehearsal” which ended in a near crash into a pole. (Cue Ava cringing). While I haven’t seen it first hand, I’m also told that Jolene has certain dance moves that send Ava looking for cover at public events. Note, a quick rendition by Ava conjured visions of Elaine Bennes. Evidently, there are limits to how cool you can be.
Whether Ava is quietly reading alone on the couch outside to escape her ever jubulent brother or bounding down the stairs to field hockey, she is always giving away a warm, friendly smile with a cheerful hello. No grump stands a chance against her energy. As I understand it, “to parent” comes from Latin meaning, “to bring forth.” Maybe we’ve been thinking about it backwards, maybe Ava “brings forth” the warm and encouraging environment that enables Jolene to thrive.
xo,
Sam, The Neighbor Downstairs